This is going to sound harsh but I read a blog last week and the author spoke of God”s blessings in her life because at the age of 20 something she had everything that she had asked God for when she was 15…husband, dream home, baby, car, etc.

I read the post and kind of felt like something was wrong — not necessarily with her, but maybe me? Was I judging her, cause I know God doesn”t like that. Was I jealous of her life — that things had worked out exactly according to her plans? Yeah I was jealous! I”m lucky if my meal plans work out! Was I suspicious? You bet. I immediately started analyzing things looking for the loop holes — peoples” lives just can”t be that perfect, right?  Sam would say it”s the New Yorker in me that doesn”t buy into these posts. New Yorker or not,  in the pit of my soul I know I long for a bigger God than one who helps me realize the American Dream. As a matter of fact, when I look at my rich blessings, sometimes I feel that they are almost the opposite of what I would have planned for myself (hello, me, a pastors” wife?). I have sensed who God is as I struggle with him, for him–it”s that bit that makes me roll my eyes anytime I hear words coming out of Joel Osteen”s mouth! I don”t believe granting me my wishes is God”s priority. I don”t even know if God wants my happiness all the time — I just think he wants me to say (and act upon) “God, you are my God.” And sometimes–I”m just not happy with the way things are:

“Why couldn”t that couple conceive a  child?

How does an 11 yr old boy get terminal cancer?

Why don”t some parents love their children more?

How does a girl leave home for a jog and never make it back?

Why should earthquakes steal lives?

How could he leave her?

How could she leave him?”

My friend Missy and her husband John are missionaries in Nigeria. In her latest blog post Missy detailed her latest venture into a brothel.  When I first read it I felt frustrated and helpless and struggled to form a prayer that felt fitting and adequate for the great need there.  I think part of it was I knew that the level of injustice and darkness that Missy struggled with was probably far greater than any human could communicate.

Missy outlines her plan–she is going to pray, to visit the brothel again, bring candy for the children and nbso online casino embark on making relationships.I feel God”s glory is being shown off in this story.

Sometimes I revel in God”s “bigness.” Albert Einstein said that no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. Sin-created by man. Living in the effects of sin-reality. God–bigger than my consciousness. I feel freedom and liberty to leave these problems with God, to trust and obey when he calls me to participate.

Acts 17:24-28 has kind of become my go to answer verse when I feel like I”m in the in ring with my opponent–struggle. I spent a lot of time thinking why — why wasn”t I that young girl, born into the brothel? Who am I, that I should be spoiled with comforts? From verse 26 – 28:

26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28“For in him we live and move and have our being.” As some of your own poets have said, “We are his offspring.”

The curse of blogging is that I don”t always “publish” polished work–my argument might not be gracefully articulated so please forgive me if I have offended…If you agree, please discuss. If you disagree, discuss as well.